Disciplining Children – Teach Anti-Bullying Skills

Guest Post by Gary Unruh

Mia’s finally fallen asleep after another crying spell. I’ve talked to her second grade teacher three times about her being bullied. I always comfort Mia and tell her to just ignore the bullying. I’m really getting ticked off at this bully, and I feel so helpless. Now I can’t get to sleep.

More and more parents in my practice are experiencing the same helplessness. We want our children to brush off teasing, ignoring it whenever possible. But when teasing gets out of hand, it sure is painful to see our children hurting—and for such a disgusting reason. Even worse, it seems like the bully is far too often more protected than the one being bullied!

I’m not bashing schools, but very few teachers seem to have an effective way to help kids deal with bullies. The standard message, whether it’s said or not, is Let them work it out themselves.

Actually, the message is on the right track, but kids need skill training to get the job done. Here are three anti-bullying tips to help your child.

1. Bullies need a payoff. When the two bullies corner Mia and make fun of her curly hair, she cries and runs away. The same two bullies call Adam a nerd, he yells back with several nasty comments, and the two bullies laugh their heads off while Adam stomps away.

Mia retreats and Adam attacks. That’s the payoff bullies need—to see someone else be miserable—and Mia and Adam are perfect targets. When bullies don’t get a payoff, they eventually give up and find someone else to make miserable. 

Your job: Teach your child to not give the bullies what they want.

2. Anti-bullying skills can be learned. Bottom line: Show no upset and give a confident response. Teach your child through role playing three actions: (1) present confident body language (stand straight and make eye contact); (2) ask one question; and then (3) leave confidently. Asking a question is the most important thing to do. It puts your child in control. With some practice, Mom taught Mia to say confidently, eye to eye, “Thanks for noticing my curls; I love ’em; see ya later” as she turns and waves goodbye. Here are several important tips to keep in mind: Avoid hurtful statements; keep the reply short—one sentence only (bullies will comment, but don’t respond); and ask a question or use humor. Here’s an example: “Who said straight’s so great?” Don’t expect the bullying to stop immediately, but do expect a more confident child who feels in control.

Insist on no bullying when all else fails. Do not allow the teasing to continue after your child has implemented your anti-bullying training. It’s not always easy for parents to be demanding, but in this case you need to be a junkyard dog. Ongoing teasing is damaging to your child.

Take-home lesson: Successful anti-bullying behavior will build valuable confidence in your child.


Gary M. Unruh, MSW LCSW, a forty-year veteran mental health practitioner, is the author of
2010 award-winning book: Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Joyful and Self-Confident Kids  (www.unleashingparentallove.com).

Advertisements

Posted on September 27, 2011, in Children/Juvenile, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. This is excellent! Bullying should be addressed on the micro level as well as the macro, and these suggestions are very good. Thanks for your insight!

  2. Simply wanted to say good weblog, that I learn it every now and thenatlanta yoga classesdisability insurance plans

  3. Blowfish and Firetrap are actually renowned style homes for ugg boots clearance elegant, stylish, uggs for cheapand really ugg bailey button sale. Dr Martens, within one other hand, has began as shoe producer for men. But recently, they are presently indulging into producing shoes for women ugg boots clearance. In fact, Dr Martens provides a complete assortment of stylish ugg boots sale and stylish womens ugg bailey button chestnut.But what in the celebration you choose a pair of ugg classic tall sale or just any womens boots owning a heel? For that, Blowsfish, Firetrap, uggs for cheapand Dr Martens are one of the most advantageous picks.If you choose a pair of women'sugg boots outletthat is waterproof,uggs on sale then a good offer better decide on Caterpillar or Timberland.ugg classic tall grey the two of those producers areugg boots sale distinguished in developing practical, hard-wearing,ugg boots outlet and water-proof ugg classic short sale granted that their earliest foundation. although their priority is durability, additionally delved into developing stylish women's ugg classic short grey.When speaking about women's ugg boots sale, especially ugg classic tall sale, you will typically listen to the ugg boots outlet names Hunter Wellies, Crocs, Firetrap, Blowfish, Dr Martens, Caterpillar, uggs outletand Timberland. These can be the world’s most significant producers of uggs outlet footwear, not merely womens ugg for cheap.But even more compared to womens ugg classic tall navy in Australia, you may come about uggs for cheap throughout other producers providing the loveliest and sexiest ugg classic short sale using the world.What helps make the ugg classic short black from Australia special may be the actuality which they use luxurious sheepskin. producing utilization of the north face outletsheepskin like a lining also may help in wicking the wetness apart to uggs for cheapmake certain how the ft are kept dry.No wonder why some inside the ugg boots outlet great producers with this womens ugg bailey button sale for winter are coming from Australia, too. You can come about ugg boots salethroughout the adore From Australia and ugg bailey button bomber Australia, that are the louis vuitton outlettwo enjoying their reputation as between one of the most advantageous ugg classic cardy sale producers using the ugg boots sale ukworld.It’s worth to be aware how the idea of ugg boots sale arrived from Australia. But actually, these attractive womens ugg classic cardy sale for winter originated from surf beaches granted that ugg boots sale Aussies really adore enjoying the ugg boots sale heat inside the sunshine in the beach. And so,ugg boots clearance to defend their ft using the ugg boots sale sand, they arrived owning a beautiful ugg bailey button triplet sale idea—make a pair of ugg classic cardy black!The wind is so chilly presently as well as coach purses outlet you must get ready your fits for winter. Of course, apart from preparing your jackets, mittens, scarves,coach purse and bonnets, you must unquestionably also come about throughout some uggs outlet. You can in no way be out on the coach purses winter period of coach outlet store online your time without the need of cheap coach purses a massive style style. So, that signifies you must founded on the wonderful womens ugg boots sale uk—the ugg bailey button triplet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: