Foreign Swap Student

Guest Post by William Poje

The military transport taxied down the runway before soaring into the sky.  Kadreama le Myroug and Ruby Rubascorei both enjoyed the thrill of the powerful engines ERJ 145 reverberating through their bodies.  “This is so exciting!” they giggled to each other looking around at the forty seven empty seats.  “America is paying for us to go to Italy!”

The in flight seat belt announcement popped up on the flat panel screens throughout the plane.  A shirtless male demonstrated for the females the need for protection during takeoff.  Not a word was heard by the burning ears.  The first sight of love is so powerful.

“Senator Smarmy” the girls longingly demanded.  “Who is THAT??!!”

“Girls” came hre reply “Call me Smilfme here.  And that is Riccardo Stepmacho.  He starred in such big films as Tre Menage Sophie Il Cello and Hot Vulgaria Di Te.  The Prime Minister had him tape this special message just for your enjoyment.  If you girls act good on this trip there is a chance you will get to meet him.”

“An Italian Movie Star!!??” The squealing flashed out of the mouths of the youths.  “Oh, Smilfme, could we?  Could we?  Pretty please?  Please please please please please?  Pretty please?” came the staccato barrage.

“You said the magic words now didn’t you!” The Senator winkingly told the teens.  “Pretty and please.”  The Senator eyed the girls’ conservative clothing.  “Who dressed you for this trip?  Michele Noblakman?”

The excitable girlish giggling occurred.  “Our Moms did” Kadreama stated.  “They are so 1980’s!  Mom said that if we were going to meet important political members of a foreign country that we needed to dress neat and conservative and to be respectful.  We are representing America to a very important ally and we want to put on a good face to show the rest of the world to see.”

“Well” Senator Smarmy told them “Mom is half right.  You are meeting important and also big political members of a foreign country.  And we need to have you put on a good face!”  The Senator undid her seatbelt and stood.  “Come with me!”

The girls gladly unlocked the belts around their waist to follow the Senator’s lead to the rear of the plane.  A flight attendant waited to ply the tricks of her trade.

“The first item we need to address for you is a new wardrobe” Smilfme informed her tutees.  “The wardrobe is an element like Paracelsus’ elements.  Just like you are a light and airy element at the moment flying mile high right now.  Do you know what I mean?”

The girls avidly followed another video that Began a detail of how to present themselves to others while they tried on various clothing combinations.  The various hot pants material were either of a red white and blue or a green white and red thematic.  The colors either striped with the pure white in the middle or the colors swirled in a paisley manner.

The color pattern was the same for the skirts and various tops.  Heels finished the accouterments.  Ruby  squeezed Kadreama’s arms together exclaiming “Para who?”  The girls asked.  More giggling occurred.  “Golly gee, Senator Smilfme, I feel just like Britney!” Ruby uttered.

“Just be careful stepping out of the limousine” Senator Smarmy counseled.  “And remember.  There is a time for keeping your mouth open and for keeping your mouth shut.  None of us want any of this to be blabbed on the DikiLeaks network.  If anything comes out all the clothes and presents and meeting Stepmacho all goes away.  The two of you can swap with each other but swallow everything else.  When the time is right your lips are sealed.”

Kadreama and Ruby replied “Yes Madam Senator!  We won’t let you or anyone else down!”

Senator Smilfme Smarmy sternly advised “You better not!  Foreign relationships are very important to America.  Always remember: The farther you go in life and politics is often what sets you apart from all the others who want to assume the position you are in.”  Smilfme smiled.  “Now, let’s let the lady fluff your hair and makeup.  We’ll be landing shortly and who knows?  A travelling gnome may be waiting for you with presents such as jewels and cash.  Just remember when we go back through Customs not to declare anything.”

The plane landed in Milan.  Stretch limos rapidly whisked the diplomatic mission to the Hotel Bunga Bunga.  The stretch entered the covered hotel parking away from the lenses of the paparazzi cameras.  Senator Smarmy exited the limo first greeting their gracious host.  “Prime Minister SylphmeOH!” The Senator exclaimed upon exiting.  “SylphmeOh Bustanutti!  It is so nice to see you again.”

SyplhmeOh gazed at Smilfme’s travelling companions.  “Ciao la titti, Senator Smilfme!”  He cradled her close. “It is so nice to see and feel such friends again!”

Senator Smarmy laughed rubbing her across his shirt.  “Oh SylphmeOh!  Why thank you!  It is so nice to see you again too!” Senator Smarmy broke away.  “However” the Senator stated “the Affairs of State must take precedent first.”  Senator Smarmy spoke to the girls.  “You can come out now.”

Prime Minister Bustanutti whistled at the vision of America he was presented with.  Italian flag bows in the hair mesmerized him.  He found himself exclaiming “Che bei fiori! Che belle regazze! Che buon’idea!”

Kadreama and Ruby understood nothing SylphmeOh said.  They only knew that they had been trained to pull their bow ties while demurely stating “Buon Natale, Prime Minister!”

The Primed Minister snapped his fingers.  Fur coats magically appeared covering the teens.  “Buon Natale!” SylphmeOh told the oval eyed recipients.  “Sei la donna piu’ belle che io abbia mai visto!”

SylphmeOh told Senator Smarmy while motioning to an elevator. “You have outdone yourself this time.  Come, come.  We must take these visions to the penthouse so that they can see their accommodations.”

The lift ride to the top floor went smoothly.  Kadreama asked “Why is the hotel named the hotel Bunga Bunga?”

Senator Smarmy and SylphmeOh looked at each laughing.  “You will find out after dinner” Smilfme told the nymphs.  “The dance of the Udine’s is quite a spectacle and you will really enjoy it.  Besides, SylphmeOh owns the local football club, AC\DC Milano.  The whole team will be waiting to, ah, meet you at dinner.  Who knows” Smilfme teased “Maybe David Wreckhem will also put out an appearance and be in there!” 

The elevator opened into a suite that occupied the top floor of the hotel.  SylphmeOh put his arms around the teens leading them out of the elevator.  The girls looked at Senator Smarmy “Aren’t you coming with us?”

Smilfme smiled.  “Not now.  But I do like the way you are thinking!”  She paused smiling broader.  “Now remember what I told you girls.  There is a time to keep your lips open and your lips sealed.  I’ll be going down one floor below but I’ll be keeping an eye out for both of you.  We’ll all meet for dinner later.”  The elevator doors closed.

Senator Smarmy smiled as the elevator dropped a floor.  She was meeting the needs of her country as best she could.  Now it was time to reap rewards for servicing her country’s affairs of state.  The doors opened.

The suite appeared empty.  No one greeted the Senator as she entered the suite.  There was silence as she looked out the massive panes of glass at the city.  She walked past the furniture and kitchen asking “Salve? Salve?” of no one.  Indignation welled inside of The Senator.  She had delivered; where what the tat-for-tit she had been promised?

Smilfme came into the bedroom.  POP! POP!  Two champagne corks popped and a shower of bubbly sprayed the Senator.  Her ears heard “Merry Christmas, Senator” spoken with an accent that melted her heart.

Smilfme looked at her surroundings.  Two young footballers held the champagne bottles while a third waited with a towel to dry her off.  She started disrobing uttering “Sposa Bagnata, Sposa Fortunata!”

Bill Poje is the author of the award winning fiction novel Painless. Poje is currently completing 3 more works of fiction for simultaneous publication: Novels Blindless (sequel), NLM, and the short story collection Senator Smarmy. More information is at


Posted on June 1, 2012, in Short Stories. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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