Messieurs League, Little, and Ivy

Guest Post by William Poje

Monsieur League woke up in the sprawling bed at the top of the splendorous hotel.   His head hurt.  The ringing in his head was internal and external.  His GoldBrickBerry phone rang in vibrating unison with his hangover. 

The ringing of his phone came from the party room of the suite.  League moved aside the flesh he had been rubbing against to make his way to the party area of the accommodations.  

Accommodations filled the party room.  League felt around the accommodations for his phone.  He could hear the ringtone but he couldn’t find the device among the pillows strewn about. 

The ringing stirred one of the tenants.  “Give me that!” League barked reaching into the cushion of the humpback sofa. 

The humpback fought back before giving in to the ringing.  League eventually pulled the phone out from the crack of the couch.  He didn’t get the attachment out in time; the caller went to voicemail.  

League checked the number of the caller.  Mr. Margin’s number showed.  What an annoyance League thought.  Just like Margin to call and interrupt the party. Why didn’t he just text?   I better listen to what he has to say.

League was listening to the voice mail as Mister Ivy came in from his adjoining suite in the Penthouse.  Ivy held his head exclaiming “Oooooooh what a flippin’ party!  Dang my head hurts!”  He spotted the spreads around the room.  “Yours?” he asked. 

Monsieur League started to speak but could not.  His nose needed blowing.  He saw intimates lying in the suite.  The sexy wear provided a handkerchief for League to use.  “Guh” he exclaimed after helping himself.  “I’m almost afraid to blow my nose!”  League looked at what Ivy was pointing at 

“Go ahead. Buttress yourself.” League told Ivy.  “I’m gonna step out on the balcony and read my messages.” 

League parted the drapery and opened the sliding door stepping outside.  The sun shone brightly burning his eyes.  He hated it.  Where is the rain? He thought.  It should always rain for me.  The sun dries up the rain increasing visibility.  This is not right!  Something is wrong! 

He looked below.  Way down below League saw the jungle floor teeming with activity.  Look at them he thought.  Look at all the little insects below.  The ants and the cockroaches who are all seeking the rain trickling down from the top of the building.  There are even some of them trying to scale the wall.  They need relief from the sun.  I’ll be magnanimous and provide them some! 

League smiled gleefully while he provided them some relief.  He wondered if the insects even felt the rain.

Ivy franticly rushed onto the platform as League finished.  Ivy’s hands held betting slips from the casino.  “We lost!” he exclaimed. 

“What do you mean we lost?” League asked.  “How could we lose?” 

“I don’t know!” Ivy cried.  “But the wagers…they’re all no good!”  He rifled through the slips showing League while speaking. “The Piper Mill Casino was just on the line.  They want me to pay up!” 

League shook his head with disdain.  “So?” he sarcastically asked.  “Who cares?  Just have Ceefo get some more cash.  A couple hours from now after I get a blow and a little more bang for my buck I’ll be ready to go play a little more roulette.” 

“That’s just it!” Ivy frantically blurted with wild eyes.  “Ceefo said there’s no more cash and no way to get more cash in a hurry!” 

“Get out” League dryly replied.  “I got the same message from the Paduan a while ago.  I sent Seepa a message to take care of it and to not bother me with the details.  You just need to fire Ceefo and get someone who is actually worth the money they are stealing from you.  In the meantime let’s head on in.  This sun is killing…” 

WHOOSH!! 

A body came hurtling past League and Ivy.  It buzzed their heads. 

“HOLY 911!” Ivy yelled.  “That crazy diver nearly hit me!  He’s gonna take out a lot of bugs down below when he hits!” 

“No he won’t!” League said. 

“Yes he will!” Ivy retorted. 

“A hundred G’s says he won’t!” League offered. 

“A hundred G’s?”  Ivy queried? 

“Bet?” League asked.

“Bet!” Ivy said extending a hand for a shake. 

The bet being made both men leaned over the rail to watch the festivities.  The body accelerated in between the buildings.  Ivy smiled at League knowing he had won the bet.  League smiled at Ivy knowing he had won the bet.  “He’s toast!” Ivy spoke with joy. 

PLOUF!! 

A parachute opened from the back of the diver.  The sunlight glistened gold off the silk.  The body decelerated before hitting the street running.  Little bugs were squashed underneath as the jumper gathered the parachute and left.

League smiled at Ivy.  Ivy fumed.  “Why you…”

The ringing of League’s GoldBrickBerry interrupted Ivy.  League laughed.  “You can chill there buddy.  That’s Seepa’s ring.  You can figure out how yer gonna pay me while I’m on the phone.” 

Ivy watched League’s jaw drop as the call went on.  Ivy could tell Seepa was delivering bad news.  League angrily cursed Seepa before hanging up.  

Ivy laughed at League.  “Ha!  What’s the matter?  No cash for you either?  Oh, maybe you should fire Seepa and hire someone who is worth it!” 

“Screw you!” League barked at ivy. 

“Oh yeah?” Ivy snapped back.  “It doesn’t feel so good to be broke now does it!  What are we going to do?” 

The sun became obscured from their view.  A large cloud with a stalk mushroomed in their view of the light.  They turned and looked at their Penthouse accommodations. 

 Ivy’s eyes grew dark.  He saw it all disappearing before his eyes.  His mouth dried up and his eyes did the opposite.  He turned around and looked below from his high altitude.  His vertigo went.  The world started rotating around him instead of the reverse.  His knuckles drained white as he grabbed the railing leaning forward.  He felt ready to join the earlier diver. 

League grabbed Ivy pulling his body back from the railing.  “DON’T!” he yelled into Ivy’s ears.  “I know what you are thinking!  Don’t do that!  I have an idea that may save us!”

“What’ll we do?” Mister Ivy wondered in a panic.  “What’ll we do?  Our heavens are crashing around us!” 

“We’ll call our buddy Little!” Monsieur League exclaimed as he handled his GoldBrickBerry.  “He’ll give us all the cash we need!” 

Mr. Little sat at his desk preening himself.  He wondered if anything could possibly be as shiny as his shoes.  Possibly he mused.  I have a hankering that something may be so bright but I doubt it.  The only thing that may be brighter is the future. 

Mr. Little decided to do a little work.  He flipped through the very important reports and graphs and charts and detailed data delineation displays that continuously came to his attention.  The documents were hard to read.  The reflection from his shiny head obscured the information.   I guess my featherless cap IS shiner than my shoes! He thought.  Well, everything looks fine according to my reports. 

DING-A-LING-ALING!  DING-A-LING-ALING!

 The secret Foul Phone on the table behind Mr. Little called his named.  The ring caught him by surprise.  It isn’t class reunion time yet he thought.  Who could be calling me now? 

Mr. Little answered the phone.  The voice at the other end told him “Buck Buck…buck buck buck buck…BUCK buck BUCK BUCK!  BUCK BUCK!”

Mr. Little calmly replied while idly looking at his important charts and graphs “Buck buck buck buck.  Buck buck buck buck.  Buck buck, buck buck.” 

The reply came rapidly staccato.  “Buckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuckbuck!” 

Mr. Little digested the sentence.  He dropped his useless paper becoming extremely agitated as he listened.  “Buck buck?” he asked. 

The answer first came as a question.  “Buck buck?”  Then more clucking came over the phone. “Buck buck buck buck BUCK BUCK BUCK.  BUCK!  BUCK! BUCK!” 

Mr. Little looked outside the window as the caller directed him to.  An obscuring of the sky occurred.  He saw a White cloud thundering towards him.  He saw a Fiery Red cloud slicing the sky.  He saw a Black cloud scaling the horizon. 

Mr. Little turned quickly to his desk.  He opened a drawer to grab his bottle of barley rye.  Little guzzled three snorts before turning to look back out of the window. 

A pale cloud larger than all three other clouds combined filled the sky.  The cloud descended towards the Little window. 

Chicken Little dropped the phone.  He ran out of the office tearing down the street screaming BUCK a trillion times.  The sky was falling.

Bill Poje is the author of the award winning fiction novel Painless. Poje is currently completing 3 more works of fiction for simultaneous publication: Novels Blindless (sequel), NLM, and the short story collection Senator Smarmy. More information is at www.poje.biz.

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Posted on June 8, 2012, in Short Stories. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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